Three Ways to Practice Non Attachment in the New Year

I've been working on non attachment for years now and I've come to realize it's like anything else I'm trying to cultivate in my life: better diet, yoga, friendship. It takes time and commitment and dedication-in short, practice. Day in and day out. I believe that anyone or anything with which we want to have full, thriving relationships which feed us, requires regular, committed practice and attention.

I get asked fairly often to talk about my practices and how to do this or that, so I thought I would shift out of my usual blog mode and make a list. Myriad ways exist to deepen our practice of non attachment. To keep it simple I chose some of the ways that are proving most accessible and fun for me right now:

1) Breathing.

I swear, all the yogis and monks and meditation teachers have totally got this right. No matter what I'm doing, when I come back to my breath, the issue or task or argument or thing of beauty directly in front of me becomes more clear, I feel myself slow down and I immediately have space around me. I can breathe! It's like magic, and the beauty of this magic is that we have unlimited access to it whenever we want-whenever we wake up for a moment, pull ourselves out of our stories, our chores, our fear, our constant train of thoughts.

Breathing focuses us in on the present moment, and in the present moment, there is no past or future to which to attach value or meaning. We are just where we are, doing what we are doing. We are simply in the current moment, and we automatically step back from our emotions when we focus on our breath. We give ourselves space, and non attachment is a lot about putting space between ourselves and our fear, our aversions, our desires.

Bringing ourselves, our busy minds, back to our breath can happen at any moment, in any place: train, car, meeting, when you can't sleep, when you're frustrated, when you're feeling amazed at the beauty around you.

So how do we remember to breathe? I have been struggling with this question for over a year now. I so want to be more present and awake, and yet, I go through entire days at work (remembering my breath is much easier for me when I am not sitting in front of a computer doing tasks) having not truly noticed my breath, the hours passing by while I'm sleepwalking along in my head. In frustration and annoyance with myself (oh, so much judgement) I did the most rudimentary thing to remind myself to breath. I set alarms throughout my day, using my phone. Once an hour, every hour, for the whole day.

Here's the key to this type of reminder: Actually stop and do it. It's a practice in itself to notice the alarm, pause and breathe. Most of the time, I don't just swipe it and make it be quiet. I swipe it and take at least three breaths. No matter what I'm doing. Even if I'm with someone else. I just tell them the truth, that that's my reminder to breathe. It's funny how most people get this. We keep doing whatever we were doing, but I concentrate on my breathing for at least three breaths.

Breathing doesn't have to be a secret. Share what you're doing with your team, your partner, the people with whom you spend your days. Think of the ripple effect that could have. A work, school or home culture that takes a minute to breathe. Oh the wonder of it.

2)  Be in the moment.

Master number one and you'll be a pro at this. When we are fully present and in the moment, we can take joy or meaning from just that-being in the moment of what we are doing, without needing a result or needing to attach judgement to what we've done or not done.

Challenge yourself: Practice doing your work, whatever that might be: chores, accounting, marketing, sales, law, saving animals, motherhood, school, and practice being in the moment so that the work you are doing, right that minute, is, in itself, enough. We are so conditioned in this culture to be constantly striving for more, to never be satisfied, to improve and succeed and be great at what we do. But what if being great at what we did actually meant being fully present to it? Fully present to the practice of our work, even when it's slow, or we make mistakes, or we are bored, tired, frustrated, uncomfortable, comfortable, elated. What if being present to all of that was our actual work and the product that came out of that presence was fulfilling for having been created with awareness?

3) Play.

Play at something that isn't in your proficiency toolkit. Play at something that allows you to explore and create and make mistakes. Something that maybe you've always wanted to do, but that you don't really try because you're not good at it, or it will take too much time to learn how to do it well. Forget about the doing it right or good part. Play at something and work on not judging yourself about the outcome. Go dance because you love it, even if you don't know the steps. Make art because your heart is screaming at you to be creative, but you're afraid you won't make something pretty.

Play is proven in study after study to improve our cognitive abilities, reduce stress, broaden our creative power and increase our overall health. Play is also a fantastic vehicle for letting go of our egos, giving ourselves a safe space to push our perceptions of what we believe we are good at into what we believe we are not good at. It is a vital resource for going inside and exploring what is there-a goldmine of resources deep and vast and unique to each of us. Play is an exceptional crucible in which to cultivate self love and non judgement.

When we can learn to watch ourselves grow and make mistakes with love and acceptance, we create space and we practice non attachment at a very core and vulnerable level. When we create that for ourselves in our own lives, we become much more adept at being able to give that kind of space to others.

There are so many ways to practice non attachment, but sometimes it's overwhelming to think about all the ways in which we could be better at this or more proficient in that. I like this practice because it is its own benefit. There is no being better or worse at non attachment. There is only non attachment. You either are or are not attached to something or its outcome. One way is not better than the other, but non attachment helps us perceive our lives from a place of more spaciousness, less judgement, more love.

And anything that helps us love ourselves and others more is something worth practicing.